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Old 22-05-04, 21:28   #41
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Dear Dr Duffs,

Are you that games guru off sky one? As I would tell you to get rid of the hood.

Anyways, can you help me on the game RealLife 2.5 . This girl likes me and I dont know the rights buttons to push on her controller for me to win. Do I pwn her or just let her own me?
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Old 23-05-04, 12:02   #42
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Originally posted by Duffs[UK2]*
I can see no problem here. Its a pure natural instinct that you have this physical attraction to me.
This sort of thing happens to me all the time. I have grown used to it. Naked chicks running after me screaming Dr Duffs... I want to be the mother of your children. I simply reply "Hop on baby"

Go with the flow my son ... go with the flow

... NEXT !!!

ROFLMAO!
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Old 23-05-04, 14:39   #43
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Dear Dr.Duffs

Help!!!

Since we last spoke I have become highly addicted to Asda smartprice jam, and its affecting my cs addiction

And also every morning I go to look out my window, but find it smothered in baked beans, and where my garden knomes once proudly stood there are now cans of heinz baked beans
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Old 23-05-04, 15:14   #44
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Dear Dr Duffs,

I have a very serious problem, i am highly addicted to CS, mainly because i find that i own everyone, its becoming very annoying and i cant help feeling that im missing something, but it doesnt matter what i try, i have tried to use pistols only and then even went so far as knifes only but its doesnt help, people just die when i point my gun/knife at them, is there a cure??


Please help
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Old 23-05-04, 16:45   #45
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Dear Dr Duffs

Now i love playing CS cause i am reet good at it, however my parents say i love computers to much and i am going to end up a murderer cause i play shooting games to much.

What do you suggest i tell them?

p.s. Can I Have your Children?
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Old 23-05-04, 17:35   #46
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hi dr duffs
its me again
i suffer from premature ejaculation of the bullets of my gun in cs and cz what can i do?
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Old 24-05-04, 08:02   #47
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Originally posted by Genetic_soup[UK2]*
Dear Dr Duffs,

Are you that games guru off sky one? As I would tell you to get rid of the hood.

Anyways, can you help me on the game RealLife 2.5 . This girl likes me and I dont know the rights buttons to push on her controller for me to win. Do I pwn her or just let her own me?
Games Guru ... GAMES GURU !!!! what a fookin freaky T**T

How dare you even think that is me u scrotie low life scum

As for you *cough lady problem (ladyboy more like)
Simply twist the right nipple to an angle of 6 degrees
then twist the left nipple to an angle of 4 degrees.
Wait 3 seconds, then depending on how romantic you want to be either
belch or fart really loudly. (If you belch - try to say a word as you do it)

BINGO !!! - true love and you will own her/him/it

... NEXT !!!
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Old 24-05-04, 08:05   #48
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Originally posted by Solitaire[UK2]*
Dear Dr.Duffs

Help!!!

Since we last spoke I have become highly addicted to Asda smartprice jam, and its affecting my cs addiction

And also every morning I go to look out my window, but find it smothered in baked beans, and where my garden knomes once proudly stood there are now cans of heinz baked beans
CALL THE POLICE THERE'S A MAD MAN AROUND
(isn't that a song lyric ?)

You are way beyond my help im afraid. I can only suggest you pack your bags and travel to my old pal Budda Baggapapa in Tibet. He will know what to do.

.... NEXT !!!!
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Old 24-05-04, 08:07   #49
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Originally posted by MaxMayhem
Dear Dr Duffs,

I have a very serious problem, i am highly addicted to CS, mainly because i find that i own everyone, its becoming very annoying and i cant help feeling that im missing something, but it doesnt matter what i try, i have tried to use pistols only and then even went so far as knifes only but its doesnt help, people just die when i point my gun/knife at them, is there a cure??


Please help

yadda-yadda-yadda-blah-blah-blah
I own ... im too good ... god the rest of you are all rubbish ...
GET OFF THE NOOB SERVERS AND PLAY WITH THE BIG BOYZ U PANZI

... NEXT !!!
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Old 24-05-04, 08:12   #50
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Originally posted by s!lv3rb0dyb0rd3r
Dear Dr Duffs

Now i love playing CS cause i am reet good at it, however my parents say i love computers to much and i am going to end up a murderer cause i play shooting games to much.

What do you suggest i tell them?

p.s. Can I Have your Children?
WHAT THE HELL DO YOUR PARENTS KNOW !!!!
I bet they said "we have bought you this computer to help you learn"
... too fookin right you will learn.

Learn how to massacre, mame and inflict pain ... and thats just from the pron pages.
My advice is when you are all sat down for a family dinner, start rocking back and forward, muttering under your breath the words ... KILL KILL KILL.

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the thoughts and advice from Dr Duffs should not be taken litterally


.... NEXT !!!
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Old 24-05-04, 08:14   #51
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Quote:
Originally posted by Vegboy2004
hi dr duffs
its me again
i suffer from premature ejaculation of the bullets of my gun in cs and cz what can i do?
Simply when you feel you are reaching that point of release let go of the little mouse until you have calmed down a bit and are ready to give it another bash

.... NEXT !!!
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Old 24-05-04, 19:18   #52
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Dear Dr Duffs

i have a serious problem i seem to get bored very quickly in the things i do, e.g. - i bought a bike but i feel its not fast enough anymore, will only do 152mph, i get tired of playin CS, unless there is people i kno playin, i go through fads, i bought a £400 air rifel which i have used about twice, i bought £350 golf clubs which i have used about 10 times in about 6 years, there are many other activitiesi have started to get into bought all the gear and then got bored, please Dr Duffs help me

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Old 24-05-04, 19:35   #53
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Originally posted by Woogie
Dear Dr Duffs

i have a serious problem i seem to get bored very quickly in the things i do, e.g. - i bought a bike but i feel its not fast enough anymore, will only do 152mph, i get tired of playin CS, unless there is people i kno playin, i go through fads, i bought a £400 air rifel which i have used about twice, i bought £350 golf clubs which i have used about 10 times in about 6 years, there are many other activitiesi have started to get into bought all the gear and then got bored, please Dr Duffs help me

I bet you were one of those kids during the summer holidays, on the 2nd day of the 6 weeks off you would slouch on the sofa in your bananaman jimmy-jams watching why-dont-you. In would walk your mom saying, why dont you go outside and do something, its nice, get some fresh air. You would look up at her, shrug your shoulders and say ... IM BORED !!!!

GOD YOU MAKE ME SICK.
Now its just spend spend spend. oooooo what can I spend my money on this week ... im bored.

Simple.
Write a blank cheque made payable to Dr Duffs,
and I will make sure that all the money goes to the starving, homeless children of the world *cough.

This should hopefully make you think that somewhere in the world, you have made someone happy.


... NEXT !!!
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Old 25-05-04, 22:49   #54
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LMAO this is like an episode of Oprah or something... A new midday TV program for all the idle housewives called "Dr Duffs"
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Old 26-05-04, 07:36   #55
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mmmmmm Housewives with nothing to do ... just imagine

... NEXT !!!
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Old 26-05-04, 07:48   #56
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Dear Dr Duffs,

My wife is taking over my computer, When 7pm comes around, there's nothing i like more than to sit at the PC and get CS loading for a good session. But i cant get on the PC as the missus is constantly browsing E-bay, looking at either Prams or other kiddie items.

We already have 4 kids, 6,5,4 and 18 months in age. I already told her there is no chance of any more as i am often on-line till 3am playing CS

I wont buy her a PC of her own and network it as i feel just looking at E-bay would be a waste for an extra PC


Help!! how do i get rid of her off my PC!!!!!
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Old 26-05-04, 09:32   #57
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Dear Duffs,

When having sexual intercourse with my girlfriend i often think of counter-strike. Once during the climax i actually shouted out "im coming up the long". Is this normal? Please help my problem.

Rich
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Old 26-05-04, 10:45   #58
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sure hope not
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Old 26-05-04, 13:07   #59
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Quote:
Originally posted by frammy
Dear Dr Duffs,

My wife is taking over my computer, When 7pm comes around, there's nothing i like more than to sit at the PC and get CS loading for a good session. But i cant get on the PC as the missus is constantly browsing E-bay, looking at either Prams or other kiddie items.

We already have 4 kids, 6,5,4 and 18 months in age. I already told her there is no chance of any more as i am often on-line till 3am playing CS

I wont buy her a PC of her own and network it as i feel just looking at E-bay would be a waste for an extra PC


Help!! how do i get rid of her off my PC!!!!!
4 KIDZ ... HAVE U NOT HEARD OF CONTRACEPTION !!!!
I agree the cost of all equipment for her just to look at E-bay is sad.
The solution is simple.

Go get a cardboard box, print off a screenshot from e-bay, and stick it to the front of the box.
get an old keyboard & mouse ... better still buy yourself a new keyboard and mouse and put your old ones infront of the box.

tell your missus that because u love her U have bought her a new pc.
This will score you major brownie points and get her off your PC.

.... she will neva know as shes a woman and they dont understand technology. (boy am I introuble now)


... NEXT !!!
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Old 26-05-04, 13:11   #60
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Quote:
Originally posted by Richmt11
Dear Duffs,

When having sexual intercourse with my girlfriend i often think of counter-strike. Once during the climax i actually shouted out "im coming up the long". Is this normal? Please help my problem.

Rich
All i can suggest is that you make sure you dont accidentally give her a head shot. Thinking of CS while getting jiggy is a wise move. because you are not actually thinking about sex, the time you are actually making sweet love will double. woohoo you can now last 1 minute - the lady will appreciate the extra effort im sure.


... NEXT !!!
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Old 26-05-04, 22:19   #61
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Dr Duffs

Just to keep you updated oh wise one, I have jus returned from Tibet after spending time with the great Budda Baggapapa, thx to him I have reduced my jam addiction and I now have the baked bean stalker locked in my basement wearing a rubber suit. You sir are a genius and I was wondering, if you ever felt like making a donation I would love to have your baby, so that I may have a child with your striking good looks and an intellegence that puts Einstein to shame.

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Old 27-05-04, 06:04   #62
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Soli, he's not that intelligent:
Quote:
tell your missus that because u love her U have bought her a new pc. This will score you major brownie points and get her off your PC.

.... she will neva know as shes a woman and they dont understand technology. (boy am I introuble now)
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Old 27-05-04, 07:41   #63
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Quote:
Originally posted by Serenity
Soli, he's not that intelligent:
Ohhh u think so .... I knew you would respond to my little qwip
I must be psychic as well.
Im Mystic Dr Duffs

... NEXT !!!
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Old 27-05-04, 07:50   #64
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Originally posted by Solitaire[UK2]*
Dr Duffs

Just to keep you updated oh wise one, I have jus returned from Tibet after spending time with the great Budda Baggapapa, thx to him I have reduced my jam addiction and I now have the baked bean stalker locked in my basement wearing a rubber suit. You sir are a genius and I was wondering, if you ever felt like making a donation I would love to have your baby, so that I may have a child with your striking good looks and an intellegence that puts Einstein to shame.

So how is the Big Budda Baggapapa. Does he still have that strange lump, the third nipple and the rather funny hairy toes. People neva do believe me when i describe him.
Glad to hear that the jam addiction is subsiding.
As for the gimp in the celler, make sure that his mask is unzipped every few minutes. There is nothing worse than trying to explain to the police and the family why you have a dead gimp in the celler.
The thing to do is to train up the gimp to do all the domestic jobs like washing up and cleaning.
I recommend my new DVD 'Train the Gimp' (available in all good retailers and some bad ones). Its full of top tips on how to control your gimp. PLUS the bonus material has some funny out takes.

As for being the mother of my children, i will get my lawyers to draw up a contract and I will get back to you ... RARRRRRRR

Good Luck

.... NEXT !!!
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Old 27-05-04, 09:02   #65
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Dear Dr Duffs,

What is this new game "Real Life" all about, that people are leaving CS to go and play, I just don't understand and theres no walkthroughs or help files on the internet for it??
have you heard of this, and if so can you give me any tips and tricks

p.s.
Where do I DL this from???


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Old 27-05-04, 12:20   #66
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Originally posted by AceClown[UK2]*
Dear Dr Duffs,

What is this new game "Real Life" all about, that people are leaving CS to go and play, I just don't understand and theres no walkthroughs or help files on the internet for it??
have you heard of this, and if so can you give me any tips and tricks

p.s.
Where do I DL this from???


AceClown

Real life is the next generation of game by Sonytendo.
The people who claim to be leaving CS for 'real Life' have been very naughty indeed and i shall be contacting the appropreate authorities.

Real Life is not available to the general CS community - they have obviously got hold of an early beta version. This version is full of holes and bugz and will be nothing like the finished version.

My opinion is dont DL the 'Real life' game as its not as good as the creators would lead you to believe. Stay right here where you are safe.

.... NEXT !!!
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Old 28-05-04, 23:22   #68
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lol duffs you mental person
u mean Dr Duffs!
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Old 29-05-04, 11:18   #69
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Dr Duffs

I have a problem, my life revolves around my com puter however i have met a "girl" in real life.

Firstly i am afraid she could take up all my life and then rip out my heart when it will hurt most

or B) my CS skillz will go down hill.

How do i find the balence.
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Old 01-06-04, 07:57   #70
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Quote:
Originally posted by s!lv3rb0dyb0rd3r
Dr Duffs

I have a problem, my life revolves around my com puter however i have met a "girl" in real life.

Firstly i am afraid she could take up all my life and then rip out my heart when it will hurt most

or B) my CS skillz will go down hill.

How do i find the balence.

A) OK so you 'claim' to have met a girl *cough ... yeh sure !!!.
You don't impress me with your tails of romance. Put down those Mills & Boon books (Target audience reference there) and stop dreaming. Your a sad, pathetic individual with no life and geeky friends who all talk computers and star trek. You all buy FHM hoping to meet that dream girl ... GET A LIFE !!!

B) CS skills go down hill. Dont make me laugh u n00b.... they cant reach any lower

(PS: can anyone tell I am back at work after the Bank Hol weekend ... BUGGER)
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Old 01-06-04, 16:21   #71
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lol duffs you mental person
This is me being normal ... god help u all when i go mental
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Old 01-06-04, 23:43   #72
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No offenc intended (Well on to MR. Duffs)

This is sad :p

btw its MR. Duffs not Doctor Duffs, Please some Forum admin change his name to MR. Duff

lol
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Old 01-06-04, 23:49   #73
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Originally posted by $4M
No offenc intended (Well on to MR. Duffs)

This is sad :p

btw its MR. Duffs not Doctor Duffs, Please some Forum admin change his name to MR. Duff

lol
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Old 02-06-04, 07:41   #74
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S4M u my son are beyond even help
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Old 02-06-04, 09:34   #75
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Dear Dr Duffs

Im kinda new to the forums and uk2 and i try to be active in the community but my efforts are being seriosly hindered by my lack of correct spelling and my ability to sometimes make no sense at all. Im 18 and you would expect that i learnt spelling in lower school, and being on computers most of day you would of thought i knew how to type but this is not the case.

plz help!!!
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Old 02-06-04, 11:20   #76
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oi duffy

"Dr Duffs"

I have been playin C-S since beta one, i am just to good now, i would love to challange you !
Anyways unfortuantly im in Uni halls so i cant connect to servers over the net , anyway, when i get home(Soon), i challange you to a battle, just to c how good you really are

Cheers Maddog
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Old 02-06-04, 12:11   #77
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Dear Doc Duffs,

Recently i have started playing "Day of Defeat", it first started few days ago when on a whim i downloaded it just to test my newly upgraded PC and cable conn. Last night i started playing at about 19:30 and finally got off the PC at 02:00 this morning with tears streaming from my eyes from the strain.

What form of therapy do you reccomend?

Worried

from Uxbridge.
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Old 02-06-04, 14:02   #78
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Originally posted by ShiMMy
Dear Dr Duffs

Im kinda new to the forums and uk2 and i try to be active in the community but my efforts are being seriosly hindered by my lack of correct spelling and my ability to sometimes make no sense at all. Im 18 and you would expect that i learnt spelling in lower school, and being on computers most of day you would of thought i knew how to type but this is not the case.

plz help!!!
I thought you did very well. OK the odd misspelt word and punctuation in wrong place ... but hell nobodys perfect.

At least u made more sense than S4M
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Old 02-06-04, 14:06   #79
Duffs
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Re: oi duffy

Quote:
Originally posted by Maddogjez
"Dr Duffs"

I have been playin C-S since beta one, i am just to good now, i would love to challange you !
Anyways unfortuantly im in Uni halls so i cant connect to servers over the net , anyway, when i get home(Soon), i challange you to a battle, just to c how good you really are

Cheers Maddog
U have missunderstood Maddogjez.
I may have been playing since before the earth and CS was created ... but i neva said i was good at it. (Just ask people whom I play with).

I am the Dr.
I Advise people.
I steer their misguided lives along the correct path.
I show them the way.
I show them the light.
I am the Dr.

... NEXT !!
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Old 02-06-04, 14:09   #80
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Quote:
Originally posted by Queeg[UK2]*
Dear Doc Duffs,

Recently i have started playing "Day of Defeat", it first started few days ago when on a whim i downloaded it just to test my newly upgraded PC and cable conn. Last night i started playing at about 19:30 and finally got off the PC at 02:00 this morning with tears streaming from my eyes from the strain.

What form of therapy do you reccomend?

Worried

from Uxbridge.
Look, as we are coming up to D-Day its a good reason to get all nostalgic over fallen heroes. yes those guys were brave ... every last one of them.

I have the perfect solution for the streaming eyes .... BLINK U ARSE !!!

... NEXT !!!
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